Expand Your Influence Through Empathetic Leadership

“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” —Henry David Thoreau

At its most basic, empathy is the simple act of thinking about and understanding another person’s feelings. But applied purposefully and consistently, empathy can become a powerful—and appreciated—aspect of your leadership.

Empathetic leadership became an especially important theme during the pandemic. Leaders had to shift their approach not only to adapt to the unexpected operational complexities of remote work and lockdowns, but also to take more care of their teams’ general emotional well-being. Showing compassion, practicing patience when their people needed support, and sharing their own vulnerability made the difference between leaders who shined during that time and those who fell short.

The Benefits of Empathetic Leadership

Continuing to employ a more empathetic style has served many leaders well, even as business has moved into a post-pandemic phase. And taking the concept beyond just being kind and thoughtful into a more formal application is a best practice that all leaders should embrace. Strategic use of empathetic leadership will enhance your communication, make your workplace more pleasant for everyone (who doesn’t want that?), improve teamwork and efficiency—and greatly increase your influence.

How to Add Empathy to Your Leadership Practice

Some people use empathy instinctively, regularly reaching out and connecting with others around them. But even if that isn’t your natural disposition, empathy is a practice that can be learned and applied like any other and you can begin with small, simple shifts in your current routines.

The easiest place to start is in your one-on-one meetings. I particularly like using empathetic leadership to take one-on-ones beyond routine project check-ins to reinforce connections and communication. Allocate time (or specific meetings) to discuss your colleagues’ general well-being or just talk about how their lives are going. Ask open-ended questions and pay attention to what you learn.

Most of us have one-on-ones with our direct reports, but make time to also connect work with peers, your leadership, and skip level folks (below and above). Identify the colleagues you would like to increase your connection with and make an effort to catch up with each periodically. Invite them for coffee, even if it’s a virtual coffee over video.

And while one-on-ones are a great place to start practicing your empathetic skills, remember that all interactions are an opportunity to integrate this approach.

Ask Connection-Building Questions

I often say that advisors and consultants know how to give the right answers, but coaches know how to ask the right questions. Be sure to use neutral, open-ended questions to allow the person to reveal their thoughts without feeling interrogated.

You can always start conversations with questions such as “What’s been on your mind?” or “Did you do anything fun over the weekend?” to break the ice. But going further with your curiosity (“Do you have any restaurants you would recommend for a special meal?”, “What are your creative pursuits these days?”) opens the door for deeper discussions. Some answers may surprise you, which is a positive: you want to know what you don’t know. No matter what you hear, it offers a chance to connect and learn more—as well as offer support.

During the discussion, use active listening (i.e. recap what you’ve heard and ask follow-up questions) to make sure that you understand what is being communicated and that the other person feels listened to.

And continually follow up on past conversations to engage with their interests and stay in the loop. “What’s the latest with _________?”. Over time, you will form a more complete picture about the other person: what engages them, what they truly value, and what makes them tick.

Curiosity and Genuine Connection Are the Keys

Whether it's during one-on-ones or other conversations, the critical factors here are curiosity and authenticity. By approaching all interaction with an open, inquiring mind and listening actively, you will gain valuable insights about the other person and forge a deeper connection with them.

When your connections are genuine, you can use your influence not to manipulate, but to create win-win situations. Understanding your team members’ goals and challenges will allow you to manage them more effectively and support them in their professional growth. When evaluating your own priorities, you’ll already know where they fit with your peers’ and leadership’s concerns. And when it’s time to enroll others in a new idea, you’ll already know what will resonate with them.

The bottom line? When you’re truly interested in and care about others, the connections you build will go a long way toward improving your team culture and will make you a more effective, trusted, and influential leader. You are not just doing this for yourself—you’re doing it for everyone else, too.